


The Waterhouse

by Kaiko_Mikkusu



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: 4th Wall Breaking, F/M, Gen, Houseboats, Meta, Other, Waterhouses, cracky fic, peas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 16:05:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7647628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiko_Mikkusu/pseuds/Kaiko_Mikkusu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote a crackfic that's likely to be the last purely DW fic I write. In this fic, shenanigans happen. Something involving peas, houseboats, waterhouses, and peas that end up turning into houseboats and getting named after Matthew Waterhouse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Waterhouse

It was a nice Day of Rassilon of the Month of Rassilon. The universe was beautifully aligned as always. The Ortis Nebula resplended in a thousand colors, hugging many planets and stars. Deep in the Ortis Nebula, there was an odd blue box that did’nt seem to belong there. This was the Fifth Doctor’s TARDIS. Fivey, Tegan, Nyssa, and Adric were hanging out in one of the TARDIS’ sitting rooms, talking about general life and past adventures, with Adric cracking bad puns that worked only in the Alzarian language, while eating sriracha-coated peas. It made his roommates cringe hard, the Doctor and Nyssa both repressing their own emotions in a classy façade, and Tegan instinctively mixing her cringey emotion with anger. Adric: And there when a green shambaga hits a hole, dance pink sadness spit PWAH!! – then he proceeded to spit a sriracha pea at the Doctor, who picked a cricketing bat from their pocket (Not a cricket bat, that’s an ATLA-verse character who is half cricket half bat!) and used it to sway the pea away from him. The pea then ended up hitting towards a purple hypercube. Adric: Look! It’s one of those hypercubes, but this is purple and I can scourge some fumes! Tegan: Ugh. Is this yet another one of your odd puns that only work in your native language and are bad even in it? Nyssa: No Tigs, it is’nt, look there! – And she pointed to the purple hypercube that was now on the floor, and had absorbed the spitted pea. Adric: Any idea of who it might be? Maybe it’s the food fairy! And she’s turning my pea into something even more delicious to make up for it! Fivey: Oh, Adric. Don’t be ridiculous! If it really had been the food fairy, she would’ve appeared in the TARDIS while you were sleeping and leave food in your room for you to find when you woke up! No, no, this is clearly someone else. Focus! Nyssa: It might be the Patrexes. You told me that their Chapter Color is purple. Fivey: Nah. All hyper-cubes are pure white between Time Lords. Hyper-cubes aren’t paintable by the computers that the Patrexes use to paint – only way to paint them would be with rudimentary Level 5 Civilization pigments. For example, with a paintbrush and acrilics from 1980’s Earth. Tegan: But then, they would’nt be able to absorb Adric’s peas, would they? Fivey: No, they would not. Because this hypercube here on the floor, is purple because of the powers of the Fourth Wall! Nyssa: Oh my! I know who that is! Adric: It’s the same person that I’m thinking? Tegan: That odd friend of yours, Iris Wyldthyme? Adric: EHI! Iris’ a friend of ALL FOUR of us. Nyssa: You’re just saying it because you were with the Doctor for more time and met Iris more times than Tegan and I did! Adric: NO I’m NOT! Fivey: Nyssa, Adric, calm down. Who is picking up the hypercube first? Adric: Well, it swallowed MY pea. It is then that Adric got up to pick the hypercube up. It was then that the TARDIS razzled and frazzled, finally hitting down and parking itself on ground. Adric, Tegan, Nyssa, and the Doctor were all messily laying on the ground and the hypercube vanished into purple sparkles, and odd pixel art of fuchsia hearts and yellow stars. The four of them got up, and went to the console room. Adric wondered where the four of there were now – “I hope there’s food wherever Iris brought us. If I know her well, it’s propably something fun anyway. Likely another side of her house, or some physics-breaking 4th wall-y amusement park!” he exclaimed. Fivey: “Welp. I know her much better than you do, young man! I may have met her in my past four incarnations, but their essences and memories still live inside of me!” Nyssa: “The Doctor’s right. We mostly met Iris’ fandom side. But maybe, just maybe - even if this is just an hunch – Iris has an officialdom side, too, just like all Trakenites and all Gallifreyans.” (fun fact\headcanon, in Trakenite, if you spell the word for “fandom side” backward, you get the Trakenite word for “officialdom side.”) Tegan: “In layman’s terms, this means that the personification of fourth wall breaking… has a burocratic side to her? Find it easy to believe! s/” Fivey: “Tegan Boltdown Jovanka, stop using sarcasm. It basically amounts to saying the opposite thing you mean, and families should’nt use that type of weapon on each other! And no. Some alien races, like the Zippibolts of Frasklax VI and the Droveries of Vertanlu IX, just don’t have burocratic or serious sides about them – and frankly, neither does Iris.” Adric: “Welp. I just knew.” And then, Adric and Tegan proceeded to fistbump each other. Fivey: “So, Adric, are you opening the door?” Adric: “I’m still bitter about that pea.” Tegan: “I could’nt tell. s/” Nyssa: “I agree that it was very obvious.” And thus Adric moved towards the TARDIS door and opened them, with Nyssa, Tegan, and the Doctor following him. The Doctor and their Companions exited the TARDIS, finding themselves on a beach with Iris Wildthyme waiting for them, sitting on a rock, wearing a frilly maroon and purple velvet costume, and holding Adric’s pea on one glove. “MY PEA!” Adric heartily screamed! “Yes, that’s your pea.” Iris replied. “What are you doing with my pea! Are you trying to eat it?” Adric asked. “Cuz it was supposed to be MY pea. The pea I’d get matching tattoos with if I lived in a pop song instead of a 1980’s sci-fi serial.” Iris: “But no, my dear. My Adric, you don’t live in an 1980’s sci-fi serial… you live in a cracky-ish fanfiction based on a sci-fi programme that ran from 1963 to 1989, then had a movie in 1996, and finally ran from 2005 to 2020, and then…” Fivey: “I think Adric knew what he was talking about. It is’nt so, Iris?” Iris: “Yeah. We’re in a 2010’s fanfiction based on episodes from 1981. Nimi Mikkusu, the person writing us, has’nt actually watched the episodes we’re in, but she’s very fandom-y and goes to the Internet a lot, so she knows about us purely through Internet Memes and a site named TVTropes. Because of that, she is’nt really using our canon personalities, but her own meta vision of us.” Adric: “Ah. Yet another of those memers. They’re the best people to write me! It’s like swinging a fryatak along three orange lines of seventh green prejudice throrota fruit jump!” Iris: “Is this yet another of those bad jokes that only work in Alzarian and are bad even in it?” Adric: “EHI! That joke was’nt bad!” Fivey: “No it was.” Adric: “Yeah, yeah, it was…” And it was then that Iris Wildthyme engulfed Adric’s pea in Artron sparkles of many colors, and threw it into the sea! And it was then that everything flashed white in Iris, the Doctor, Adric, Nyssa, and Tegan’s eyes, and the pea turned into an houseboat. Adric: “Woah! Do I get to have the houseboat?” Iris: “Yes you do. It’s called the Waterhouse.”


End file.
